x Happiness and then a snotty nose x

Well....first up...news about the megace...im off to clinic on tuesday to be put on it...yay!!! Im really excited but nervous at the same time as i am pinning all my hopes on it so i want it to work for me!! Will let u know how it goes and if, or when, it kicks in.


I have still been feeling really happy since my last post and just been trying to get this uni stuff done. But I have had a busy and tiring week so need to slow down abit. On wednesday, I went bluewater for lunch and shopping with Steph which was sooooo funny and we brought clothes for friday and then thursday I went to get my hair done in the afternoon as it was looking a mess!! It now looks lovely :) Thursday was also a very special day as it was mine and Scotts 3 year anniversary (even though it feels like forever lol). We just spent a nice night together and had dinner together. He brought me a big bouquet of pink flowers which were gorgeous!!

Friday I had work for a few hours which was good and then of the night time was clubbing time!! We went to zens and it was ok but I prefer going to the clubs and bars at the o2 as they play the sort of music i like all night. It was a good night thou and i got in at about 2am and slept on the sofa lol. I didnt sleep well as i had a bellyache and the beginnings of a snotty nose....so over the weekend i did nothing but cough, blow my nose and moan!!

Today i feel ok...my nose aint causing the tickly cough much but still clogged up so will hit the wii-fit later on today...im still planning on resting abit today but will sit here and do uni work and eat!! I dont want my chest to start to get bad again as i have been doing quite well so fingers crossed it wont!!

Am actually quite hungry today even though i've been snacking and had breakfast n stuff already but im not complaining! Going to find some more food and waiting for mummy to get back with another supply of jelly babies...mmmmmm...she is off all week as its half term so i have some company!!!

Speak to u all soon xxx

x I want megace!! x

Clinic yesterday!! It was ok i suppose!! My lung function went up to 37% and my chest sounded quite clear so thats good news - now need to step up the exercise - wii fit here i come!! My weight went down a little bit to 43.7kg but i knew it would be something like that so it wasnt a shock. Been speaking to people on the CF forum and there is something called megace which a few of them have had and have positive things to say about it...it increases your appetite so you eat everything in sight basically...so i demanded this to my dietitian and CF nurse. They researched it and seemed ok about it but they will talk about it in the CF meeting on thursday and let me know....i sooooooooooo hope that they put me on it as this is my last chance to put on weight before they come at me with a PEG which i am horrified by!!

It was also my lovely boyfriend Scott's birthday yesterday and he came down after work, i cooked him dinner and he opened his pressies...i secretly brought him an ipod touch 32gb and he loved it..he was surprised as i said i would give him some money to put towards it but i got a good deal so brought it anyway lol...mummy got him lots of different bits and pieces which included a cup with an electric spinner on the bottom so you press a button and it mixes up your drink for you...scott has an obsession with chocolate milk (not any chocolate milk, it has to be the nesquick powder and then milk mixed together). So for the rest of the night he was playing with the ipod touch and listening to the songs on it and dancing round the room while holding his chocolate milk cup!!! I love him xx

Im happy at the moment and have been feeling quite alright over the past week or so....the only thing that is hindering the happiness is this bloody uni work and my weight but we will sort them out soon.
I have always liked going to work at the nursery but over the past couple of times i have gone into work i have loved it and thats due to getting along with everyone that wors there. They have all been great and im now really looking forward to a few nights out we have all got booked up!! wooohoooo!!

Even though I have had a good week...i have had 2 things wrong with me which are quite funny according to scott and mummy....1st thing: we went to the funfair on friday night and it was great...mum came and worried about me all the way round because it was abit cold and the rides did make me have coughing fits because i scream all the way round and laugh so that was great physio. however, the last ride was sooooo fast and spun round and round and i came off and said my back hurt...mum had a look and screamed as i had bruises all up my spine...its only just going down now so i can just about sit back properly...it was worth it thou...i love funfairs!! the 2nd problem was after work on monday...at work we went outside with the kids as it was sunny and we was out there for about an hour...well when i got home i had a red nose, cheek and forehead..i was sunburnt!!! i had been joking about it because i was on antibiotics they make you burn easier but i was only in it for an hour - that takes this piss lol xx

Anyway...i must be off now...i have to go to uni to hand in some work and then carry on with the rest of it! I cant wait to finish all these essays i am starting to go slowly insane!!

x Lots of love x

x Latest.... x

Well....not much has really happened over the past few weeks.
Im back on oral antibiotics as I have a cough again but at the moment im still able to do things and have energy but the cough is just constant and annoying!!! Scared a few people at work but i just laugh it off lol xx they should be used to me by now - i just like them to know im still at work lol x
Been doing my uni work alot but its still taking a while and sometimes I give up but im nearly there and my daddy keeps saying he cant wait until I graduate in October which i always think of to keep me going. ive finished 1 essay so far and done other learning logs and observations and lots of research for other essays but when i think about what more i have to do it is alot!!! - 3 essays - one is 1500 words, one is 5000 words and one is 7000 words!!!

Last week I felt on the verge of a breakdown!! What with all the uni work and then not feeling great after only just coming out of hospital a week before...but i am due on now so that cant have helped my emotions!! I was waking up in the mornings and doing all my tablets, nebs, food then exercise, then getting dressed and making my self look better so that i felt better but i still didnt so i started to think "whats the f***ing point???" I cried all last weekend and in front of my dad which i try not to do as he doesnt like it at all and cant handle it well - so i shocked myself!! it was a nice day on saturday with him thou!!
Oh and it has been such nice weather aswell and i aint been able to go and sunbathe because of being on these damn antibiotics!!!

Ive been ok the past few days and feeling happy even with this cough and loved being back at work and seeing all the girls again - i was trying so hard not too laugh as it would bring on a coughing fit but it didnt really work!!! Today though, i have been thinking about people being there for u and that when i was having a hard time last week, there was only a few people i could really talk too. I think some people either dont know what to do when im ill or just dont realise how hard it is in hospital (its not just lying in bed having a rest for 2 weeks - its actually very stressful and depressing) or being ill constantly. I always try and look happy when i see people so maybe i should truely tell them how i feel and how scared i am but i dont because that would be like admitting defeat. I try so hard to be a good friend and dont expect much in return even if it is only 1 visit every hosp admission or a text asking how i am!!! its not that hard is it??

Anyway, i dont want to waste my breath on people (i need as much breath as i can get lol)....im now looking on the internet for coach holidays to spain for me and scott as i am terrified of flying!! I want to go now!!! Hopefully by the end of august though, i will be healthier chest-wise and alot fatter!!!

Lots of love x

x What a month!! x

Hey everyone,

Haven't wrote on here for a month because I really couldnt be arsed to be honest!! I was really fed up as I was taken back into hospital after only 3 weeks of being out - i didnt understand why either as I wasnt bringing up alot of stuff but was coughing all day and my chest was so sore i couldnt move and didnt want to anyway as i had no energy. Went to clinic and it turns out the infection hadnt completely gone from before so it just got worse again...oh and i also fell asleep waiting for Lance to do a blood test (how embarrassing lol) and they sent me home with oral antibiotics and painkillers. I tried these but over the weekend nothing had changed so Monday I was taken in. Thankfully this time, my line went in first time and I went straight to sleep afterwards.

My mum makes things worse as when things get bad we both set each other off laughing!! This happened the second night in hospital when i attempted to walk to the restaurant and back. Well...it took half an hour to walk to the restaurant as i couldnt breathe lol and then on the way back, after sausages, chips and beans, and an icecream in my hand, i tried to walk back but only made it outside the restaurant doors when I was sick through coughing and still trying to keep hold of my icecream lol...mum ran to get tissues from a nearby toilet and nicked a wheelchair from the corridor so i could get back!! When we did get back, i was knackered!!

This hospital stay went ok i suppose and I managed to escape on bank holiday monday. For the rest of that week I just chilled out, sorted stuff out and began hitting my uni work!! Had a visit from Steph who was loaded with KFC...mmmmmm...so that was a really nice day.

Today I had a check up at the hospital and it was mostly good news...my lung function has gone up from 29% to 35% and that is thanks to me taking the dogs for a walk a few times with Scott and playing the wii and the wii-fit!! My weight has gone up (as i lost some while being in hospital but thats no surprise considering what the food is like!!) to 44.4kg. Oh and i also found out that when i was really ill last January (mentioned at the start of my blog) that was pheumonia!!! no wonder i lost all the weight!!

So I will leave it there for now as its quite a positive time...im going to try and keep doing what i should be and get on with some uni work...argh!!

Lots of love xx

x Thank God Im Clear x

YAY!!!

Text from Lance to say I am clear of MRSA!! Thank god for that! Have been so nervous since hospital on tuesday so am sooooo relieved!!

Things are finally looking up at the moment for me - i shouldnt say that because as soon as i do things take a turn for the worse!

Im still doing my physio and am just about to go for a walk round to meet mummy for lunch at the school as its a sunny day :) but starting back on my nebs after the i.vs has given me a husky voice!! Making me cough alittle and Scott was not impressed the other night as he just changed the duvet as the puppy had decided to wee on it, and then i was sick on it through too much coughing!! Oh well - dont know who's worse - me or the dogs!!

Wednesday was good - uni was boring but the meal and film were great and had a big catch up with Sirin. Was soooooo looking forward to friday and going out with the girls from work but it didnt happen as everyone was busy....that was a shame but its hopefully going to go ahead in april. Saturday I went to a family friends 60th which was ok - it was nice to catch up with people i hadnt seen in ages - they said i looked well - even better!!

Oh....Im soooooo excited this week im getting things sorted out. Last week, I couldnt even look at uni work - i wasnt in the mood and needed a rest after the past few weeks so am getting back into that, but even better news is that im going to look at some cars this week - a peugeot 206cc - one of them is black and one is silver!! Hope they are as good as they look - im sure i will let u all know if i do get one!

Right im off now to sort out my room - it looks like my ironing has exploded and ended up all over my room so better do some so that i actually have some clothes to wear!!

x Lots of love x

x Clinic Report x

Got to clinic and weight was down to 45.3kg but i knew it would be as I had a bellyache all day!! Typical!! They didnt really mention the weight so thats a good sign (normally I get moaned at so I was happy)!

I was suffering as I couldn't take my anti-histimine for the rash as I was driving and it makes me drowsy so when I got there, I showed the Dr that it was still flaring up even though I stopped the Vancamicin last wednesday...she didnt know why it was still happening and we couldn't link it to anything else so I got a bit worried....she said if it continues then I will be reffered to a dermatoligist.

Lung function weren't up but I will focus on this and do exercise everyday to get it up (hopefully!!) - its still at 38%. :(

As for the MRSA, well I was angry, as when I was in hospital and they found it in my sputum, they then did a skin test to see if it was on my skin....I didnt hear anything back so forgot about it but my Dr looked up the results and told me it was positive on my skin too!! Why didn't they tell me?? I asked if that could be the rash and whether anyone can catch it but she said no to both so at least I don't have to be locked away!!! I gave them another sputum and they did another skin test and I will have to wait until monday when Lance (my CF nurse) rings with the results....I will worry until then.

Other than that, Im feeling ok and just trying to get back to normal....popped into work before hospital and it was lovely to see everyone!! Im going back to uni today and then going to the pictures with Sirin to see Confessions of a Shopaholic, so that will be nice to see her again!!

Will let you know about the results as soon as I know.

x Lots of Love x

x 2 Weeks In Hospital x

Well what a fun couple of weeks I have had...not!!

Caught a chest infection so went to clinic on the Tuesday and they said they were going to bring me in for 2 weeks of iv's....much to my disgust but I was coughing all day, pulling muscles and all sorts so I suppose it was for the best!

Went home and moaned and cried as I hate canulas and having the bloody line put in...it hurts!! Wednesday I was woken by a text from my CF nurse to say the bed is ready and I got to the hospital at 12.30pm. Finally at half 7, the doctor appeared at the doors and attempted to put the line in but it didnt work...so he tried again in the same vein and it still didnt work...I was later told that it may not have worked because I had had my line in that place before and it might have been scarred. By this time, I was crying and in pain, so after putting emula cream on and waiting another hour to numb my hand, with mum pinning me to the bed, he managed to get it in my hand...thank god!!!

I have my iv's at 6am, 2pm and 10pm so I always get tired and was knackered the next day so slept for most of it...mum came up after school with my lil bro with balloons and cards and food!!!

Friday started off ok until at 2pm, my CF nurse came in with the news that they had found MRSA in my sputum sample...I couldnt believe it and started to panic but he said they would treat it like any other infection and gave me a cream to put in my nose (which stunk!!) and I would have to have an extra drip which took and hour at 10am and 10pm. So from then on when I had any visitors, they had to wear aprons and gloves incase it was on my skin which made me feel dirty and even worse!

Mummy in her apron and gown --------------------->

The MRSA drip started on saturday morning but they had to test my levels beofre and after so I was woken at half 7 to have a lovely blood test and then started the drip at 10am....Scott turned up at half 10 and 15 minutes towards the end of the drip, he saw my whole body turn red and I began to itch all over. He went to get someone and they didnt really say much other than it might be me getting used to it and that it would go down once the drip had finished. Scott went at lunchtime and I had had enough so burst into tears when I spoke to mum....Thank god, my mate Steph came up with her mummy at 3pm cause they cheered me up (even though I looked a mess) and then daddy came up at night-time and brought me spagetti bolognase in a flask (to try and keep it warm lol).

By Sunday, I managed to get some sleep (mum guarded the door lol) and the iv's began to kick in so I started to feel better and cough less....days went by not too bad until wednesday. It was supposed to be my last day in hospital as they said I could go home and carry on my iv's until tuesday so I was looking forward to it. In the morning, I had the worst blood test ever...the stupid man got the needle in fine but towards the end the blood stopped so he began wriggling the needle about to try and get more blood out...it hurts but he carried on doing it for about five minutes until I shouted at him to stop and so did my dad....when I looked at my arm once the needle was out, I screamed...I realised he hadnt loosened the tornakay so thats why there was no f***ing blood and my arm was blue!!! He was reported!! Wednesday night, I had my drips as normal but they were started a bit late as it was busy...the MRSA drip was nearly finished at 2am when my body suddenly went bright red and really itchy and then became all blotchy...it looked like I had fallen in stinigng nettles...the nurse came in and called the on-call doctor straight away and covered me in cream to ease the rash and gave me anti-histamine...anyway...managed to get to sleep by half 3 in the morning and they decided to take me off the drip (thank god) and give me oral tablets instead. Because I had that bad reaction, they wanted to keep me an extra day to monitor me which made me more upset so dad took me to the cafe next to the hospital for a fry-up :)

<<<---My rash got so itchy, I stuck my feet in a bucket of water!!

Finally, got home friday dinnertime and slept straight away....spent a nice night at my dads and then saturday...got to see my puppy dogs finally after all this time even though I had to keep my hand away from them!! Slept at home for the rest of saturday and then sunday, had a dvd day with scott. Sunday night, we went to do my iv's at 10pm and the saline stung and then I tried to put the medicine in and it stung soooooo much I couldn't put hardly any in...oh no...my vein had given up and tissued :(

I was due to finish the iv's on tuesday so said I didnt want another line put in just for 1 day but mum thought different so we had a big arguement and I went to bed...My CF nurse came round today and he took it out but we all had another argument as to whether I should have another one put in, I cried so we left it....Im now just trying to get the movement and strength back in my hand (it looks a mess!!) and the reaction to the MRSA drip still flares up quite bad which is now driving me mad!!! Got hospital tomorrow for check-up so will let you all know how it goes - most of all, I pray the MRSA has gone.

x Lots of love x