Learning to walk, talk and breathe again.

On E ward, i didnt sleep well for the first week. Its hard to sleep in hosp anyway but i was on lots of medications that affected me and plus it was the first time i had been alone in the room overnight on my own in months as in ICU, there is someone in the room 24/7. I was no longer on regular painkillers...in fact i took a few painkillers because i had a headache lol! My scar was tight and i couldnt straighten too well but the main struggles were with the drains and attempting to walk.

The physios came to see me once a day now but for longer and i dreaded it. I cried most times and fell over many times - once smashing both knees to the floor and again flat on my arse infront of a group of 4 porters - great one! Normally after transplant people dont have too much of a problem with walking but I had been very weak for months, been in bed for 2 months so all my muscles had gone. I had different frames and chairs to hold onto whilst walking but always had someone holding onto me too. At first it was walking up and down on the spot and then it was walking up and down the ward getting further and further each time. It was a big performance to have physio as I had my drains which had to carried and an iv pump machine.

By the 3rd weekend after transplant I was drain free and tube free and able to have my first proper shower in months. I was really nervous about getting my scars and dressings wet and slipping over but, although it took me and mum an hour, I felt amazing having clean hair and my own pjs on instead of those bloody blue gowns! This meant that weekend when Scott came up we had mini adventures. He even was allowed to push me upto the pub on the corner to watch the Man U v Chelsea game. I got abit nervous being off the hosp grounds but felt safe with Scott there.

By the end of week 4, I was finally able to start pushing myself up off the bed and the chair if it was high enough. I had my nebulisers stopped, all except one which i have to stay on to keep bugs out of my airways and my lungs safe. I was now walking mainly on my own but pushing an old lady zimmerframe :) and my appetite had shot up and I was now eating everything in sight! Day by day things got easier and I was able to do more and get about my room on my own as I had things to hold on to. The last week was spent teaching me how to walk up and down stairs. It was sooo hard and I was using both arms to pull myself up each step, although I had to be careful as I would pull my scar apart lol.

After 6 weeks after my transplant I came home - Friday 30th September. I had banners put up by my neighbour and had big cuddles with all the family. Scott stayed that night too....the first time I could cuddle up properly with him in months. I had a range of emotions when getting home which lasted for that weekend: happy because I was home, relieved that the ordeal was over and that I had made it as I didn't think I would see my home again at some points, but also scared as I was not surrounded by drs or nurses and what if something went wrong?

I just want to finish this post by saying thank you. Thank you to everyone for the support for me and my family. You honestly don't understand how much one little message can make. So anyone who sent me Facebook comments/messages, text messages, phone calls, cards/pressies and the special ones that managed to come all the way up to Harefield, I love u all. Special mentions to the people that were there every single day....mummy, daddy, Danny, Scottings, Lisa, Michelle and Jess (even though they had their own problems), Ria, Joey, my in-laws and their family Colin, Lois, Stella, Steph (who had her own probs) and Sirin and Carlton who even got te train up to surprise me! Xxxx

X Lots of love x

Oh and for all those that didn't say anything at all - then fuck ya! I have always said you realise who your real friends are when you really need help and support. I have proved this many times when I have had hospital admissions but this is the final straw. I can't be bothered with you as much as you couldn't be bothered to type out one little message to me. Im shocked at some people who I really did think cared but it just means I can send more love and concentrate more on those special people. X