Friday, 1 May 2009

x Latest.... x

Well....not much has really happened over the past few weeks.
Im back on oral antibiotics as I have a cough again but at the moment im still able to do things and have energy but the cough is just constant and annoying!!! Scared a few people at work but i just laugh it off lol xx they should be used to me by now - i just like them to know im still at work lol x
Been doing my uni work alot but its still taking a while and sometimes I give up but im nearly there and my daddy keeps saying he cant wait until I graduate in October which i always think of to keep me going. ive finished 1 essay so far and done other learning logs and observations and lots of research for other essays but when i think about what more i have to do it is alot!!! - 3 essays - one is 1500 words, one is 5000 words and one is 7000 words!!!

Last week I felt on the verge of a breakdown!! What with all the uni work and then not feeling great after only just coming out of hospital a week before...but i am due on now so that cant have helped my emotions!! I was waking up in the mornings and doing all my tablets, nebs, food then exercise, then getting dressed and making my self look better so that i felt better but i still didnt so i started to think "whats the f***ing point???" I cried all last weekend and in front of my dad which i try not to do as he doesnt like it at all and cant handle it well - so i shocked myself!! it was a nice day on saturday with him thou!!
Oh and it has been such nice weather aswell and i aint been able to go and sunbathe because of being on these damn antibiotics!!!

Ive been ok the past few days and feeling happy even with this cough and loved being back at work and seeing all the girls again - i was trying so hard not too laugh as it would bring on a coughing fit but it didnt really work!!! Today though, i have been thinking about people being there for u and that when i was having a hard time last week, there was only a few people i could really talk too. I think some people either dont know what to do when im ill or just dont realise how hard it is in hospital (its not just lying in bed having a rest for 2 weeks - its actually very stressful and depressing) or being ill constantly. I always try and look happy when i see people so maybe i should truely tell them how i feel and how scared i am but i dont because that would be like admitting defeat. I try so hard to be a good friend and dont expect much in return even if it is only 1 visit every hosp admission or a text asking how i am!!! its not that hard is it??

Anyway, i dont want to waste my breath on people (i need as much breath as i can get lol) now looking on the internet for coach holidays to spain for me and scott as i am terrified of flying!! I want to go now!!! Hopefully by the end of august though, i will be healthier chest-wise and alot fatter!!!

Lots of love x

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