Wednesday, 13 January 2010

x Another BIG, unwanted decision x

Lets start on a good note shall we?

This port is bloody brilliant :) yes i did actually say that!! I didnt manage to avoid the iv's and started them a week ago today. I really wasnt well but refused to go back into hospital as i would have gone mad!! I pooed myself allday before going up to the hospital to have the needle put in because I didnt know what it would feel like and i was still healing from the operation so was worried. I put on my numbing cream which went all around the port instead of on it - typical!! I didnt feel a thing and it took 5 seconds - i was so shocked and relieved after that i cried!! Its been a week now and im starting to cough less and have more energy but i keep forgetting im on iv's as normally i am restricted in what i can do so im really happy. I suppose it was worth the pain of the operation :)

Friday, me and Scott went to see a adult puppet show called Avenue Q. He had brought me tickets for xmas. We drove upto London as i didnt want to be out in the cold too much and plus there werent many trains anyway because of the snow. It was so funny and i would recomend it as a great night out - apart from getting lost on the way home as the bloody sat-nav decided to go nutty and kept changing the route so we went round in circles 3 times but made it home finally!!

Now for the big decision - I think i have finally decided to have a PEG fitted. This is a feeding tube which goes into the stomach so that I can be feed extra calories overnight. I have done absolutly everything in my power to avoid things coming to this but i cant do it and i dont see any other options left. It has been exactly 2 years since i lost all my weight and im so fed up of worrying about food and trying so hard to make sure i eat as much as i can. I have tried NG tubes but that was so painful because of my polyps so that is no longer an option. I have tried to have as many supplements as possible even though they are horrid and ive tried megace, which increases your appetite. It will involve having another operation but hopefully only being in hospital for about a week.

I hate the thought of something sticking out of my stomach and that it is going to hurt. I am really trying to look for the positives in it so that i will get myself through it. This is a VERY big step for me and i am quite proud of myself for even considering it. I dont really know what else to say as talking about it too much lately has resulted in tears :(

Will update when there is more news to give.

x Lots of love x


  1. Tori loves Av Q so she will be happy you went to see that lol!
    I think you are making the right decision about the peg, yes it will hurt at first but you're right, you won't have to eat, eat and eat all the time! I had a peg when I was little and trust me, once the little button goes in you can't even see it that much. I used to wear bikinis on holiday and i've seen people on facebook who do as adults.
    At this point your vanity is not as important as your health and you need to face (which I think you already have) that your weight is poor and weight is a good indicator of how your health is going to be in years to come. Not a nice way to think but sometimes reality is the best way to make a decision, I know if i'd been underweight for even a few months i'd get a peg if I needed to. You can always get it removed later on, I did! I was about 11 and never needed it since.
    Glad you like the port! :o) xxxxx

  2. Yey for ports! They're definitley much better than lines or venflons. I've had a PEG too, got it when I was 11, like Gemma, and had it taken out about a year ago. I've seen the weight graph in my hosp folder, and as soon as I started the feeds the little line went shooting up into a more healthy weight section :)

    Now I just get to freak people out with my PEG scar :P (honestly, it looks like a belly button!) Xx