x R.I.P Vicky x

Im only just able to start writing this as I have been too upset to even think about things but I have to do it as I owe it to my girly.

On Sunday 23rd August 2009 at 9.30pm, Vicky lost her long and hard battle with Cystic Fibrosis. She was in hospital since November 2008 and never made it home. In the end, it all got too much for her, she had lost lots of weight and her body was finally too weak to cope. The little glimmer of good news is that at the end she didnt suffer and passed away peacefully and quickly with her family by her side.

x Me (looking highly rough) and Vicky visiting me in hospital x

Lance my CF nurse came round to tell me the news first thing on Monday morning so that I didnt find out another way, which I thank him for soooo much. It was horrible seeing him so upset too.

I just want to remember some of the great times we have had together which I will never forget. Vicky, who is going to help me cause havoc on Mulberry ward now and wind up Lance, Jen (the dietitian) and all the nurses...you used to get me in trouble when I came to your room and then we heard the high heels of Dr Baker and I had to attempt to hide or walk quickly back to my room so we didnt get shouted at for cross-infection :) At night-time, it was like having a sleep-over, I would bring down my snacks and magazines and drip and wheel everything down to see you and the nurses often joined us if it was quiet. What am I going to do now when Im admitted - im dreading it so much.

Always trying not to laugh with each other or the coughing fits would start. From the moment I met u, I knew you were special, you were loved by everyone, even though your mouth would many times get you in trouble :) Such a strong little girl who never gave up until you really could take no more. That was so hard for me to see you in such a state but I had to stay strong for you and keep you smiling but inside I was crying. We never did get to do the day trip to Southend or go out in our police fancy dress outfits (still cant look at your facebook picture).

I cant tell you how much I will miss you but I will keep your spirit and memory alive on Mulberry, I owe you that much. The one thing I am glad of is that you are finally out of pain. I know you were scared at the end, I still have the emails, all your texts, cards and letters. I know you have been reunited with Aaron, Lewis and many of the other friends that you lost and missed so much. I dont know what else I can say as there is too much to write but you know how much I love you and always will - just wish we had that bit more time.

V.I.P's forever

x Always in my heart x Love you forever x Gone too soon x

x Praying for you girly x

Not much has happened this week really since my last post. Booked my car in for a service as its making some strange noises so that will be taken in bright and early tomorrow morning :)

My lovely friend Anna has been admitted to hospital yet again and is now in intensive care and been ventilated. She is struggling alot even though she is on the highest amount of oxygen possible. She has had a few fits and her heart has stopped and now has septacemia but she is a fighter and will get through this like she did before. Im not going to lie though as im sooooo worried as its hard to bring CF sufferers round from being ventilated due to the strain on their lungs. Shes such a brave and strong person so im just taking it day by day and waiting for her to send me that little text message saying 'hello' again.

My chest and cough has been abit better which is good and im due to start the steriods tomorrow (should have started already but the shitty pharmacy always cause problems!!) so hopefully it will help blast my chest better!!

Sorry my post is not brilliant but I needed to update. The only good bit of news is that I got my application form for my graduation which is on the 21st October and i dont want to go - im toooo scared and embarrassed!! Ive got to order my cap and gown which has a hood and everything -because im so small, im going to look like something out of Harry Potter!!

x Lots of love x

x New car and steriods ordered!! x

Woooooooooohooooooooooooo for 2 reasons!!

The first bit of news is that after 3 months of waiting I finally got my disability letter on monday and they had granted me the high rate again (which was obvious) but that meant I could order my new car!! I rang straight up and booked an appointment for today (tuesday) and have just got home and it will be here by the end of september....not quick enough for an impatient moo like me but I will have to deal with it. I have gone for the new ford fiesta in black...luvly!!
This spured me on yesterday to clean out my car which took bloody ages as it was a mess and I had to keep sitting down cause I was knackered....anyway, 2 coughing fits and 1 banged head later and I had finished and went for a nap lol :)

The second good bit of news is my weight is up to 47.3kg!! Yay!! Really pleased with how I look now - I no longer look 'ill' or skinny but still got to get upto 50kg.

Now for the shitty news:
My lung function went back down to 25% - however I have been on the cipro for nearly a week because of these coughing fits (which have got abit better) and now I have a course of steriods to take as my breathing is poo basically.
Im also really worried about my 2 girls - anna and Vicky (both have CF too). Both are in HDU (high dependancy unit) but I found out today that hopefully Vicky will move back to the ward soon but anna was fitted with a chest drain today after being rushed back in last night....both are really scared, which is to be expected, but im also scared for them...both have been through soooo much...nearly 10 months since Vicky has slept in her own bed and anna has had to deal with soooo much over this last year....sending all my love and hugs to them both xxx

Will updated with more ramblings soon but nothing is planned for the next few days other than more eating and exercise...fun fun fun

x Lots of love x

x Weekend in Haven x

What a great weekend I had with mummy, danny and scott. We went to Combe Haven in Hastings from Friday to Monday just to get away for a while and it was such a good weekend. We got there at half 3 on friday after getting lost (typical!!) and got into our caravan straight away. Went straight for the food court as we were all starving and then we decided to go into hastings to stock up on food for the caravan :) After getting the food and me getting stuck whilst attempting to walk up a steep hill to the car, we went onto the beach as it was a warm night!! Once we got back we was all tired so went to bed after watching tv and planning the weekend.

Saturday was lovely weather so we spent the day at the beach including going in every bloody arcade along the beach front and playing mini-golf and going on the go-karts!! We had to get home for 5 so the boys could watch the football and I had a nap!! We went for dinner and then into the clubhouse after as they had a stand-up comedian on - he was funny actually!! Sunday was another lovely day - we had booked to go roller skating at 12 which was very funny and then went back to the caravan and sat on the grass outside playing cricket, football and reading. At 3pm we went down to the sports bar to watch the chelsea v man u match and am pleased to say chelsea won :) :) That night there was not much on the clubhouse so we had dinner then went back to the caravan and played cards all night which was nice. Got home on monday at lunchtime and wanted to go back!!

Today I went to the uni to talk to someone about what I can do with my degree as at the moment I can only work part-time because of my shitty health. Mum dont want me to work at all but I will go mad if I dont do something!!! Stubborn moo aint I!! Got lots of websites to look at and the lady is going to keep in touch and help me have a look at possible options so Im feeling alot happier and more positive.

Am going to start on some oral antibiotics tonight though as these coughing fits are driving me mad!! Its annoying though as the weather is nice and I wont be able to sunbathe now :(

x Lots of love x

x Happy, Happy, Happy x

Good report from the hospital today...weight is up to 46.5kg and lung function is up to 27% - still need to increase both as my lung function is still worrying me. Everyone at the hospital said i looked well so i take that as a good sign and hope it continues and i only go up to the ward for visits!!

I am sooooo proud and pleased to say that i am no longer a uni student and all my essays are finished and handed in!!! Just want to get my results now but i think i will get them in about september so will attempt to wait patiently!! I have no idea what im going to do now - i still have my bank staff job at the nursery which i will carry on with as i love it but i dont want to waste my degree but i can only work part-time at the moment so im hoping to go and see someone at the uni for advice on what i can do next!!

Im soooo looking forward to this weekend as me, mum, danny and scott are off for a long weekend to hastings. Not a massive holiday but it will be nice to all spend some time together and do fun things and have a laugh!! Will let you know how we all get on lol xx